The issue I want to rant about today comes to me after a day full of female clients in their mid -late 20s. I like to chat to pass the time, and also to guarantee that though I put them through hell they like me enough to come back next time. We chat about everything from jobs to families to dreams, but there’s one thing we ALWAYS end of talking about: relationships. Girls who don’t have a relationship want one, and girls who have one will put up with all sorts of BS to keep it.
Let me give you a personal example. This summer I got a raise at work, expanded my side business to double what it was a few months before, and lost about 10 lbs. That sounds awesome right?! WRONG. Why? Because I’m officially boyfriend-less, and I’m already feeling the pressure to find another one. Now if I were a man everyone would congratulate me on my accomplishments in addition to “ditching the crazy girl” and take my out drinking. Since I’m a woman they are all concerned that I ended it too hastily and I should reconsider. Never mind that it was sucking the life out of me and giving me anxiety almost all the time, at least I had a boyfriend.
WAKE UP PEOPLE! Being single isn’t the end! I know no one wants to be an “old bride”, but what is old? I’m 27 and I don’t consider that to be old. I also don’t consider 30 to be old. Would I be a 30 year old bride? Sure. Would I be a 35 year old bride? Sure. “But Meena, if you get married when you’re 35 you have to start having kids right away! The clock is ticking!”. To this I have a comeback. I would rather wait for the right one and be an “old bride” then marry some “nice young man” with whom I have a “nice time”. I don’t want a nice time. I want a GREAT time. I want an “omg I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life” kind of time. And how about the success I’ve gained in that 35 years?! How about the great life I’ve created for myself? Does that mean nothing just because I find most men to be mediocre? It shouldn’t.
To end my rant, I want to quote one of my favorite TED Talks with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I later heard it in a Beyonce song which makes me love it even more!
“Because I am female I’m expected to aspire to marriage. I’m expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a good thing. It can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?”